Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Encyclophobaticsburg, the real deal.

Hello! Today I will be writing about how Encyclophobaticsburg (My Home) came to be.

A long time ago, Encyclophobaticsburg was a mere Idea. This time, of course, was during the Revolutionary War, when two people (An American colonist and a British commander) allied to create the great country known as Encyclophobaticsburg. They made countless Blueprints, Greenprints, Redprints, and a-color-inbetween-red-and-gold-with-purple-spots-prints. Sadly, one day, the two commanders broke out in a horrible argument, since the colonist thought they should start small and build larger (as colonists do), but the commander wanted to create a large town and make it an impenetrable fortress (as commanders do). They also argued whether it should be in America or England. That night, a badger came through the window and ate some tomatoes. In the morning, Both designers left in a huff to fight for their own country, and the plans were forgotten until the badger picked them up and brought them to a butterfl known as Phidelly. Sadly, on the way, The badger chewed holes through the prints (and he added his own Pawprints) so that Phidelly had a hard time building the city.

How can a butterfly buid a city, you ask? Well, Phidelly is a special butterfly, Because, there are about 5,034 of her. So she and her other selves made the city, but the plans were so weird that it was a little chaotic. Phidelly left, her job done, and everyone else also left. However, one Phidelly stayed. She became very old, but still stayed in the new city. When I arrived, I found that a butterfly had stayed, and she told me all she knew about the city, then departed to a history museum. I waited, and inhabitants came, and soon Encyclophobaticsburg became what it is now. 

Yes, this is it, and more details on it will come soon.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

History of My Father

My father, Corn Cobb, has had a long and great life. He is always telling us stories about the old days. There are many odd things about him that the average person thinks are odd, from his name to his pet ear trumpet. This is an abbreviated version of parts of his life.

My father, Corn Cobb, was an early member of the Loch Ness Monster Supolé (That is Loch Ness Monsterian for Comfortable Cactus Shrimp support staff). He often gets questions about his name, Corn Cobb because it isn't the usual kind of name. When he joined The Loch Ness Monster Supolé, he had to change his name. The only choices were Corn Cobb and Stinky Turnip. He still spends sleepless nights thinking about if he should have chosen Stinky Turnip instead. His life has been riddled with tough decisions like this one.

Another thing people inquire about is his pet ear trumpet, Elmer. My father was involved in the battle of the Turken Revolt. The terms of battle are rather complex so I would rather not divulge what exactly it was about. He was fighting and suddenly he came upn this ear trumpet clan. They welcomed him with there national Anthem "Bold is thy sight, but a farmer's life for me". He was riveted and was tearing up, when they issued him into there clan's depth. Soon he discovered he was a prisoner. His crime was "Trespass under nonexistent flames". There was one other prisoner named Elmer. He was a wise ear trumpet and together they devised a plan to escape. It involved a portable telescope and an ear wax remover. The plan worked and soon my father and Elmer were exiles together, traveling the high streets. They bonded and decided never to leave the Universe without the help of a cannon.

That is some answers to my dads never ceasing questions.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Christmas Dream...

This Christmas I had the pleasure, along with my nine brothers and sisters(See sidebar for full list of their names), to visit Porto's own Banana Farm. We had a marvelous time, although my young sister Orla did fall ill during the visit. Something called "Banana Pox". We couldn't stay long because most of our family couldn't handle being away from Loch Ness Monster. However, it was beautiful looking at the bananas. There were at least fifty foreign photographers taking pictures of the tall yellow fruits. We were interrupted by a shout of happiness when the owner (Augustin Porto), announced to cheers and crying maidens that he had finally discovered the cure for Banana pox. He had been looking for the cure for 49 years, and it was made difficult because he couldn't journey out of his banana patch. "The cure", he announced, "Is a banana". The patch was filled with fireworks and $122,000 worth of corn dogs for 8 hours. We decided to leave because there was someone with Corniosis(a disease which makes the victim advertise melons). It is great to be back in Loch Ness Monster, and remember the cure for Banana Pox! (Write it down now so you don't forget!)

~Nadine~

Importment Thing

Plese go to my other blog http://www.emmasdilemmas123.blogspot.com/ to find my post called Today Sunday!!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Weird stuff

Allright, Here is a list of really weird, random words! (and what they are)

  • Hypothetical - Predicted, What if
  • Axis - A straight line around which something rotates
  • Giraffe - An animal with a long neck
  • Snowman - A man made of snow
  • Plutonium - A radioactive metal
  • Medley - A diverse mixture
  • Hammer - Something that hits other somethings very hard
  • Camel - A humped animal often found in the desert
  • Crate - a storage container
  • Antidisestablishmentarianism - being against those that are against the establishment (It's a double-negative)
Sorry, But I just felt like doing something like that. Under and In!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My Day Yesterday Volume 3

At this point, I, Agent Pizza, was struggling to get home. My first Idea was to go to the airport and buy another plane ticket, but the only one available was a small model with double wings and a 0.3 horsepower engine. (which means that 3/10 of a horse was stuffed inside). I was flying over the desert when a storm hit, and since the wings were made of rice paper, the plane crashed. When I got out of he plane, I wasn't hurt in the slightest (Since my armor was acid-proof and elephant-proof and plane-crash-in-the-middle-of-the-desert-proof), but now I was stranded.

I began walking, not really knowing which way I was going, but hoping I would get home eventually. After a while, I got tired and decided to sit inside a cave that was conveniently furnished with a supply of food, a sofa, and a bed. I didn't even start to wonder why this stuff was all there, but simply jumped up in the air and aimed for the bed. I was just imagining the nice pillow when I realized I had fallen through the bed. A mirage! Luckily, my armor was also mirage-proof, so I was okay. After realizing the whole cave was a mirage, I started walking again. Presently, I came across a llama in the middle of the desert. It whined, so I fed it some llama-chow that I had put in my pocket before I left in case I came across a hungry llama. It let me ride it, and we got out of the desert. Now, we were next to an enormous lake, which had a big sign saying "turn left to go to Loch Ness Monster". When I got there, I realized that there was a small cabin with an enormous llama enclosure on one side and some water-skiing equipment on the other. Inside, there was a teenager inside who called herself Nadine. I asked her if I could borrow the boat. She said it would be all right, but In return, I would need to do 2 things. Return it when I was done, and give her a lesson. I could return it, since I had a private jet back at Encyclophobaticsburg, but giving a lesson would be a problem. So we rode out to the middle of the lake and I told her that she should simply grab the rope, angle her skis, and not to be scared. We actually had a little fun, and I discovered that she could ski better than she previously thought she could. Apparently, she had got one of her llamas to drive the boat so that she could take the skis, and the llama was so bad at driving that she couldn't do anything. Then, she accidentally let go of the ropes, and she was accelerated onto the shore. The boat had locked it's steering, and I was helpless as I was rushed across the lake. When I got to the other side, the boat's seat used an eject function and threw me all the way home. I called Nadine, and she said that the boat had drifted back on it's own.

The End (or so it seems)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Group of Salt

You see, I have been wondering for a while about the entirity of the English language.I have been reading a pretty good book the last few days, and I am wondering why someone even wrote it. It is really long and doesn't have a main plot but it does have "plot".
It is kinda weird because I started it last night and I am already on Chapter "L". Yes that is what the chapter is called! It is the only English book I have ever read. All my other books are in Loch Ness Monsterian. Back to the book. This book has an interesting title too. It is called "The Dictionary".

Interogative Interview with Agent Pizza

Nadine: It is great to finally get to know the mysterious character we know as Agent Pizza. This interview will be a way to get to know our regular contributer.

Agent Pizza:Hmm... Yes, I hope so. However, please make this fast, As I need to go back to Encyclophobaticsburg to attend to some matters.

Nadine: Was it hard to get here from Encyclophobaticsburg?

Agent Pizza: No, actually, Since I found a shortcut hidden between two maple trees. It was guarded by Giant Cobras, But I soon realized that they were extremely fond of Bricks, so I fed them some bricks, and they let me pass.

Nadine: I see, who is your family and do you think the rumors are true about that onions can be mined in the south?

Agent Pizza: I have a sister named Agent Catnip, and I am my parents' son... I do believe onions can be mined in the south, but only if someone puts them in the mines first.

Nadine: How does your current financial situation affect your diet?

Agent Pizza: What is a financial system? Is it related to a government? We don't know what either of them is, So Encyclophobaticsburg is a little crazy. My diet consists of food, edible food, tasty food, good food, and beverages.

Nadine: Can you ski, and if so, how well?

Agent Pizza: I took a cross-country ski lesson once, and I can kind of water ski. I think i remember reading about someone who could barely stand up. They must be really bad!

Nadine: Ummm... Yes, well... that certainly, uh, wasn't me. Do you believe the Earth could turn into a tomato within a moments notice?

Agent Pizza: Well, Define tomato. Like, do you mean the fruit, or that Tom ate the letter O. I think that it could only turn into the tomato if it turned into a tomato.

Nadine: Well, that concludes our interview with Agent Pizza! Say hello to all the folks in Encylophobaticsburg!

Agent Pizza: I sure will! And make sure to say hi to all your family and friends in Loch Ness Monster! I am sure they will be glad that you know someone who can teach you to ski!

Nadine: What?

Futuristic Leanings

Did you ever wonder what the earth will be like in a hundred seconds? Well today is the day you will get your answer because we are having a hundred second interview with the one the only NADINE!

Emma: Nadine, what did you ever think would happen to the earth in a hundred seconds?Tell us we are dieing to know!!

Nadine: Well, I have always thought carrots might just take over one of these days, but it is hard to tell when because of the current state of weather. You see, carrots can only take over when it is 67 degrees Fahrenheit.

Emma: I see. Why did you think such a thing?

Nadine: Well, when I was very young I was visited in the night by the ghost of a carrot and it told me many a thing. You see, while I was in bed, it trapped me in my closet and I was very still.
A carrot whizzed by. Emma and Nadine did not notice. Emma checks her watch and receives a shock. It has been 101 seconds since the start of the interview!

Emma: Nadine! You said the carrots would not attack if it was not 67 degrees!

Nadine: Well, it appears that I was mistaken because-

Computer Message: We are sorry, but the computer has been subject to an invasion of carrots. Hopefully, this problem will not persist.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Loch Ness Monster History

Since I am so attached to my hometown, I thought I would give you a few details about its past. This is the story of how Loch Ness Monster was founded. It was founded in an event called The Onion Rebellion.

You see, this occurred in around 4567.9 BC, so it is pretty amazing that I remember it perfectly. It all started in a town called Conkye(This was in later years named Loch Ness Monster).Their life was dedicated to planting onions. Every son and daughter worked till dawn, and when they were finished they worked till night, and then when they were finished they worked till dawn. There tireless work equals the statistic that we produce 1.2 % of the worlds supply of onions. There are two food groups in Loch Ness Monster. One is onions. The second is all the other stuff. Of course, the onion food group is most important.

Suddenly, one day the leader of our town fell ill to nothing else but onion poisoning. The inhabitants of Conkeye were terrified and fled to the showers. Soon, 93% of our population was booking airline tickets to Onion Springs. This was because Conkeye was beginning to have massive onion shortages. The villagers were forced to go to Onion springs and reclaim there lost territory(This included The lake Loch Ness). This territory had been given up by the Conkynese in earlier years. The people of Onion Springs were petrified and soon evolved into petrified wood. This drastic "fight" was called The Onion Rebellion, and remembered as what people would do when there dearest comfort was gone. New foods became to take shape, one of the first was the toast. The first one was crashed into a telephone pole. That sacred piece of toast because known as "The Wise and The Burnt", and is currently in the Loch Ness Monster Hall of Fame. There is only one item in that whole place.

Soon 12.879% of people in the world became to visit this new city called Loch Ness Monster. One of them was my Great(x 34)Grandmother who had worked in a toast mill all her life. She was 3.8 feet tall, but was very intimidating. And a few (34)lines later the great line came to me. My father works in the Loch Ness Monster Hall of Fame, where it is his job to keep watch on "The Wise and The Burnt". It is a very difficult job. People have attempted to steal it 392 times in history.

There you go! Now you know a little more about my dear hometown of Loch Ness Monster. If you want to visit just take a left at the sign "Loch Ness Monster on your left". It is a great place!

~Nadine~

My Day Yesterday Volume 2

So, here is part 2:

He told the attendant that his pet (an elephant) had simply been on a leash. None of the guards said anything (they were all squished) and so he had simply tucked the elephant in his pocket, so that it would fit on the plane. But now his elephant wanted air. with that, an elephant promptly came out of his pocket and squished everyone. For the rest of the ride, everybody was kind of squished. At the end, they got off before any-body else recovered. I was the second one off, since I had been wearing my armor (which was acid-resistant AND elephant-proof). When I got to the airport, I left as soon as I could, because the elephant was causing gates A-F to be in chaos, G-K to be broken, and the rest were only slightly damaged.

Once I got to the big store, I decided that I should look at a directory, since the store was slightly long (only 400 miles long, but that's just a little). The directories, however, were all colored pastel pink, and it was hard to see the pastel pink writing through the pastel pink screens. Next, I decided to walk towards a door marked"Instant presents!". Once, inside, I found a line of elves, all working to build presents. I asked for a pair of bunny slippers, and to my amazement, they gave me some for free. So now I had The present. But, with a sinking feeling, I realized... The plane ticket was only one-way.

Sorry, but I have other matters to attend to, so that's all for today. You can come back tomorrow for more, but since I wrote so little today, I think that I'll give you a preview of what's next.

Let's just say that I took lots of different modes of transportation in a desperate effort to get home. But there was this one person who kept following me around, and I finally found out who she was. Nadine.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

My Day Yesterday

Ok, this is a little strange. First off, I would like to tell you that yesterday was one of my strangest days, so be prepared.

It all started with a trip to the mall. What would I get Mr. Mootatsokualu for Christmas? i had no idea. Yes, the mall was definitely my only option.

When I arrived, I found a person dressed in a scuba suit. This is were the randomness began. He tried to sell me an Ice Cream cone, But as the only flavor available was called "Horrible Awful Icky," So I decided not to.

Then, when I got inside, a squadron of blue giraffes were rushing around, giving people Pocket Dictionaries. One of them hit his head on a chandelier, and it fell on that weird Ice Cream guy's stall, so that barrels of "Horrible Awful Icky" Flavor fell and rolled around the mall. Then one of them broke, and this person in an official suit came down the elevator. He was the manager, so he started telling people to clean up, but the stuff was so bad that everybody fled. I was the only one left, since I had thought to bring along my acid-resistant suit of armor in case something like this happened. The manager and I cleaned up, and he gave me a free plane ticket to Lassophontaineote, where they had a giant Christmas sale.

I went to the airport, and got on the tram to go to my gate, Gate Z. Suddenly, this guy pulled a sub woofer and an electric guitar out of his pocket, hooked them to the tram, and began playing.

The energy used by this made the tram falter, so it shut down and stopped mid-track. Another tram was coming, so we realized that unless the weirdo stopped playing, we would crash.

The noise was too loud, so he couldn't hear our requests. Finally, another passenger took out a 9,000,000,000 volt battery from HIS pocket, and we used that to get the train going. At last, we arrived, but due to the fact that the train could only get 9,000,000,000 volts instead of its usual 9,000,000,001 volts, the the computer accidentally made a wrong turn, and we ended up at Gate A. I had to walk all the way to Gate Z (which was 40 miles) and my plane left in six minutes.

So I took out a Teleportation Device, which instantly took me to Gate Z. After the passengers had boarded and the plane had taken off, the captain turned off the seat belt sign. Everybody instantly unbuckled, stood up, and did the Disco. The attendants had a lot of trouble. Next, somebody asked if he could give his pet a little air. The attendant asked him what his pet was and how he had gotten it through security. And then...

Sorry, but tha's all for section one of "Yesterday". Come back tomorrow for more!

Terrible thing!

Last night a terrible thing happened:

I got a papercut!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Get to know Nadine!

I have requested permission of my dear friend Aspen LaGombint to assist with interviewing me. I think it is time that my readers get to know the real Nadine! Alright I will turn it over to Aspen-

Aspen: Nadine, I hear that you created your blog for a single very important purpose, and that this was crucial in your plans for the future. What is this reason exactly?

Nadine: I think you might have been misled.

Aspen: What? Oh, well then.....I guess we should move on to the next question.

Aspen: Where are you from?

Nadine: Well, I am from the great and highly populated town of Loch Ness Monster, India. It has been my hometown since I was 3 and 6/10ths years old. It is home to many family friends and of course our dear pet, ole Lochie!

Aspen: That sounds just great. What do you do in Loch Ness Monster?

Nadine: Well, I like to ski. Water skiing, because with the lake right there it is hard to do anything else. Everyday we wake up and quick go for a ski. This is what we do all day and sometimes during the night. We, that is to say my family and I, have little time for anything else and have never gone a day without skiing.

Aspen: You must be good after so much practice!

Nadine: Oh, Yeah, I am the best! Last month I almost stood up!

Aspen: Uhh, great. What is your most memorable experience?

Nadine: I was hoping you would ask that, Aspen, because this is something I tell everyone. You see I was at this donut factory and someone told me something about a blog. Then they made the donut and I said "wow". I don't think I will ever forget it. It is interesting because whenever I tell the story, people get really teary. And then, this is weird, they snort. It is almost like a laugh, but who would laugh after such a memorable and close to the heart experience? Especially at the part where I said-

Aspen: OK, OK, lets sum up this interview before someone gets emotional. Thank you Nadine, I think we all know a little more about you.